


the why of me

by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)



Series: Holly's Round Eight H/C Bingo Card [10]
Category: Prisoners of Peace Series - Erin Bow
Genre: Chronic Illness, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 17:11:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice
Summary: She gasps, sucking down mouthfuls of air when the pain finally passes. She takes shuddering breaths, slow and steady and certain until she feels centered. She breathes, and then she goes to find Az.Grace handles the onset of her Palsy with all the grace her name would imply.





	the why of me

The first time she feels the Palsy coming on, Grace makes sure to excuse herself from Elián's presence, unwilling to subject him to that just yet. She slips away, and, as the pain takes over, grits her teeth and bares it. She lets herself fall to the ground, pressing her palm against it, trying to ground herself through the pain. Pain with no physical source, blinding, debilitating pain that leaves tears leaking from her eyes and—

She gasps, sucking down mouthfuls of air when the pain finally passes. She takes shuddering breaths, slow and steady and certain until she feels centered. She breathes, and then she goes to find Az.

Azriel is taking one of his ever more frequent jaunts in a Swan Rider, learning more and more as he does to incorporate into his simulations. He's lamented, privately, to both Talis and to Greta herself, that the gradual reintegration of what he is still only dubiously willing to refer to as humanity has slowed his ability to run impartial simulations. It's taken both Talis and Greta to convince him that speed is a welcome loss in favor of humanity.

Az only partially seems to agree, but he acquiesces to them both.

At any rate, Az is riding one of the Swan Riders at the moment—a new recruit named Montague—while he runs his simulations, and it loosens something in Grace's chest as she looks at him. Perhaps. Perhaps he will be better able to hear her in this form.

She sends out a gentle ping to let him know that she's there. He opens his eyes briefly to glance at her before closing his eyes again to finish the set of simulations he's on. She feels it the moment he finishes, but she waits while he collates the data and sends it off to Michael, silent and patient.

The moment he opens his eyes, however, he seems to see what's wrong with her. His eyes zero in on her, scanning her for the symptoms she knows she's showing. As soon as his scan is finished, he looks up at her, something a little desperate—and so desperately _human_ ; Greta can't help but be glad of that even through the remnants of her pain—in his eyes. "Grace?" he asks, his voice sounding small.

"I'm sorry," she says, voice soft. "I wouldn't have said anything, but…" she swallows. "I know you wanted to save me, Az. I figured it wouldn't be fair to hide this from you." A bitter smile slips onto her face. "I figured you should know the timeline you're working with."

Az gets to his feet, reaching out to take her hands. "I will still endeavor to save you, Grace. I will endeavor to save you, but you should know—"

"Don't tell me the odds, Az. I don't need to know. And don't—" Grace swallows again, feeling traitorous even thinking the words. "Don't tell Michael yet, hmm? I'll tell him myself, I swear, just… just give me some time to adjust first."

Az searches her eyes, as though checking for a lie. He'll find none, for she does fully intend to tell Michael within the week, but she lets him search. With a sigh, Az leans forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "If you're sure, Grace."

Grace nods. "I'm sure."

Az nods. "Very well." He releases her hands, stepping back. "If you'll excuse me then, my dear?"

Grace smiles. "Of course, Az. And…." She blinks, her heart swelling with gratitude. "And thank you," she says softly.

Az inclines his head, but says nothing. Grace takes it for the dismissal it is, making her way back to Elián. She won't tell him yet either, but maybe… maybe one day soon. Maybe once she's made peace with it herself.

Death is painful enough. Dying twice? It's more than any mind should have to bear. But she will bear it, and she will do so with poise and grace as Michael did so many months ago. If Az needs more data, she will let him take it, let him watch her body die. If it will save Elián, she will gladly give herself over to Az's needs.

For Elián, for Talis, for the future of the world, she will martyr herself yet again. But until then, she will live and thrive, and that, for now, is all she can do.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed. [Come hang with me on tumblr!](http://hollyandvice.tumblr.com/)


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